Creative Genius (Week One)

        During the second half of class, we are practicing the art therapy techniques and the theories that were explored in the first half of class. At the end of the week, we are to create a blog post about the class and the art that is created. In this first class, we just discussed the concept of being a "Creative Genius" In that discussion,  it was argued whether or not we all had the ability to be a creative genius. Through that discussion for our practical part of the day we wrote about a moment when we felt that we were a creative genius, I described an event from one of my big panic attacks, where I tried to help myself by making a list of how I could one day get out of the unsafe and panic-inducing hell hole of a home that I was in.     Thus, when asked what brings out that creativity, I concluded that it came out as:

(a) trying to help me protect myself and my feelings, (b) finding a way to soothe myself, and (c) to feel safe and grounded. After writing the answers to what brings out our creative genius, we were then instructed to draw/doodle intuitively and not think about it just go for it. I must say I thought I would struggle with it as I do not like to do things without a plan or if I think they will not look perfect. But it came fairly easily for me. 

    I drew myself from the scene from earlier(which was about 2 years ago), and myself now- holding past me the two of us in a background of a bright yellow color, Inside a house that was visually surrounded by and filled with chaos and a thick gray border. The border I believe resembles how people saw my situation from the outside, gray- I was obviously not well but they could not truly see why. Then at the bottom, there was a yellow path that was blocked by the house and the border, and the path was drawn faintly, representing a pathway out, that would just be very hard to get to. Interestingly I also put in details like my hand tremor that worsens in moments of anxiety. I feel that it displays my want to care for and protect myself both now and in the past. But also shows me that I have really helped my past self get to where she only dreamed of being and that is pretty cool! I must say before we did this activity I was having a really crappy week, everything had been going wrong, and work was making getting a therapy appointment impossible. 

But after this assignment, I was able to be not panicky long enough to do things that would help me get through the next two weeks(from that day) until I could get therapy and get some help with sorting through my thoughts. This may sound silly, but I haven't been able to go because of work for about two months now and I was truly starting to feel the effects, so I am particularly glad we did this assignment as it boosted my confidence in my ability to take care of myself. It also gave me the idea of getting back into crocheting, and that is helping a lot as well.

    PSA!! just so my professor that reads this knows- I am okay now I moved out about a year ago and things have been a lot better since then, and I feel safe in every sense of the word. :)